Sunday, November 12, 2006

Retired? .... Redeployed

I just want everyone to know that I've been a little busy for the last several months. And now that I've resigned from the position of Secretary of War, that won't change too much.

The real reason for my resignation isn't that I felt I was doing a bad job. It's just that with the Democrats now in charge of Congress, I feel that I'll be able to kill more terrorists as an independent contractor than if I continued to work in government.

You know, if my arthritis hadn't been acting up that day, that terrorist would never have lived long enough to file a lawsuit in Germany.

But thanks to Aleve, that shouldn't be a problem any more!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

In Frank's World

Sometimes, I really want to strangle someone but the President won't let me. Lucky for him he's my Commander In Chief, or things would get messy. Fast.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Death of Zarqawi

Finding Zarqawi wasn't the hard part.

Killing him with my bare hands wasn't the hard part.

Flying back to Washington, D.C. in a military jet before anyone knew I was in Iraq wasn't the hardest part.

Making it look like he was killed by a bomb... now that was the hard part.

Death of Zarqawi

Finding Zarqawi wasn't the hard part.

Killing him with my bare hands wasn't the hard part.

Flying back to Washington, D.C. in a military jet before anyone knew I was in Iraq wasn't the hardest part.

Making it look like he was killed by a bomb... now that was the hard part.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

FEAR

As a child, you fear everything.

Then you grow a little and learn not to fear what can't hurt you.

Eventually, you learn not to fear that which can only hurt you.

Finally, you learn not to fear things that can only kill you.

Which just leaves me.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A young punk had the temerity to ask me if I had any plans for strangling Michael Moore.

Unfortunately Mr. Paladin, no I don't. My old, arthritic hands just can't reach far enough around Michael Moore's enormous gullet to do any damage. (Now if I had Shaq's hands.... oooh the strangling I could do!)

However, I do have plans for Moore involving a zippo lighter, a waffle iron, two pounds of ground beef, a wolverine, a set of jumper cables, and a wind powered generator. (I'm environmentally conscious you know.)

Now I just have to wait for the next category 5 hurricane to get the power generation I require...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Don't mess with me today...

I'm in a bad mood. And when I'm in a bad mood, things get blown up.